“Everybody looks the same when the lights are out” she chuckled as she pointed to the picture of her boyfriend Darmesh. Lauren Bailey describes trying to have a long distance relationship as being one of the toughest challenges she has had to overcome while at Rhodes University. When asked why she decided to leave behind the comfort of her home for Grahamstown she explained that she’s not a small town person but it was the intimacy of a small town that drew her to Rhodes University.
Despite coming from East London Lauren describes Grahamstown as being a “hole.”
Living in residence is the highlight of living away from home according to Lauren as you are able to spend your afternoons watching CSI with your friends before whipping out the “crackling” for predrinks just as you walk down the road to Stevies. The Buntu Steven Biko building is her favourite party spot and it guarantees you a good time while trying to make every second count before the clock strikes twelve. Another highlight of Stevies for Lauren has to be the dance routine performed on the stage by the drunken Jan Smuts boys every night.
Curious as to why she distastefully crinkled her nose when she said “drunken” Jan Smuts boys, I asked Lauren if she did not approve of indulging in alcoholic beverages until you where lying on the floor flopping around like a wet fish. It turns out that she does not drink unless there is a special occasion in other words she is like one of those people that call themselves vegetarians but go to Spur for the R20,00 burger special every Monday.
The air filling the space in her saggy jeans where her bum used to be is one of the things that are most noticeable when looking at Lauren, unlike most first years’ she was able to avoid what is commonly known as first year spread. Amazed by how she was able to do this while eating dining hall food for the past seven months I begged her to let me in on her secret. “Don’t ever eat the braised club steak as its most likely to be made from donkey or stray dog.” The fact that you will probably be more successful stabbing yourself with the blunt butter knife than you would be trying to cut the mystery meat is even more of reason to just eat buttered toast.
Aunty Lauren warns prospective first years that getting sucked into the party scene is something that you avoid as all it usually entails is getting high, sleeping and getting high again. (Now, now Lauren you say this like it’s a bad thing. A few wafts of nail polish remover every now and again never hurt anybody.) Before rushing of to her Legal Theory Lecture “Never put a sock in a toaster” were her words of wisdom shouted out at me.
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2 comments:
Shame poor Lauren. My sympathies go out to her. They truelly do.
She's supposed to be potrayed as a hero and not as a loser as your title suggests.
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